The Tears of a Clown

Now if there's a smile upon my face…

To New Suicide Survivors

FOLLOWING THE WEEK which contained World Suicide Prevention Day, a few words for those suffering a new and tragic loss.

I guess I was reflecting and just wanted to try to offer you a few words of support and encouragement at this time, especially having also gone through a similar tragedy just last year. image

It may be very early days for you and I’m sure all sorts of things will be going through your head as you try to make sense of what indeed appears senseless.

Some of the reactions and support you will receive will be of comfort, some thought provoking, nearly all will be heartfelt. Accept the love and support that people offer, especially those close to you. I gained a tremendous amount of strength from my friends in general. I felt almost overwhelmed at the kindness and it taught me a lot about people, myself and my relationship with this world. In the midst of a sad situation, it is a gift to you. A natural equaliser and healer in life.

If you are a person of faith then there is no better time to call on that. Personally, I found it difficult to take part in Mass but would rather spend time in my local place of worship alone, finding peace, healing.

Forgive people if they are awkward around you. It is very difficult for some people to understand what to say or do in such circumstances. Know that all will feel for you, despite their apparent reactions.

I’m sure you will still be reeling with the shock of what has happened at this time. My main words to you would bStuart 22.9.15e to simply hang in there – survive it day by day – and let the future take care of itself when time inevitably works its miracle healing. It is a first-aid situation currently so don’t have too many expectations of yourself right now – just get through it the best you can. One day at a time, one hour at a time if need be. When you feel able in some way to return to your routines, if you have not already, undertake them slowly and be kind to yourself because you deserve it.

At the darkest of times it can help take your mind off things to think of others in the situation. There may be children in the situation or significant others who you can engage with and support each other. Look after each other – be a team.

Perhaps all or many of your days will feel bleak still at the moment and that is to be expected. Some days may feel unbearable but I am here to tell you that these times do decrease, though you may not be able to comprehend th
at right now. Have faith that this will happen and give time the chance to carry out its great work.

Whilst still very early days, when the pain becomes more bearable try to gently place back into your life, one-by-one, those elements that will help you, friendships, work, a little exercise, socialising. Take your time with them and go steady.

I’m sure that many have already offered but I’d also like to extend the hand of friendship and support to you. Write to me anytime, even if you just need to spit it out whatever is hurting you. Stay with us here, you are stronger than you think.

Stuart

September 13, 2015 - Posted by | I CAN HEAR MUSIC | ,

4 Comments »

  1. Stuart, I’ve just read your blog about surviving a bereavement and just wanted to say what a fine choice of words and advice. I was widowed 7 years ago and think I’m nearly there, still not quite got over it, nor will I ever and yet I think I got through it and life is good again. Yes, there has been one or two fruit-cakes along the way, its never the same although I did have 4 councelling sessions which helped enormously as they said I personally had nothing to feel guilty about and a new life was waiting for me. It was, and still is, and life is good. Nobody along the way has come close but there is so much to enjoy with new found freedom.
    I’m not writing to unload my story but just reacted after clicking on your blog link from Nottingham Nostalgia and finding myself skipping the football and picking up on this.
    Thanks again – I hope anybody reading your advice takes it to heart.
    Best wishes
    BryanC

    Comment by bryan cather | March 15, 2016

  2. Thanks for this, Bryan, it’s really appreciated. It’s nice to talk to someone else with a similar experience and I’m glad you’re coping with things well and are happy enough these days. No, I’ve an idea we don’t ever ‘get over’ it and life changes irrevocably but it doesn’t mean at all that new and good things can’t come along, just as you say.

    I didn’t take counselling at the time, perhaps sometimes wished I had but i really didn’t feel in a good place to have it – at least at the time anyway.

    I still wonder what is to come along the way as I’m two years down the road but I always have faith and hope in my heart.

    Take care of yourself Bryan and thanks again.

    Kind regards

    Stuart

    Comment by Stuart | March 15, 2016

  3. Oh Stuart, your words beautifully capture the feelings that grief brings. It is a unique journey and to find the words for others can seem impossible. I feel that people feel love and sometimes a hand in yours, an arm around your shoulder, a hug can say more than words. It helps the isolation to shift for a few moments. x

    Comment by Jane Sturgeon | April 3, 2016

  4. Yes, I think there is often a sense of isolation, Jane, especially when it has been a partner. You miss the touch, the hugs and so by this feeling connected to the rest of the world. I do agree that those things are more effective than words many times.

    Comment by Stuart | April 3, 2016


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