No, not the once-familiar pre-cooked meat product containing chopped pork shoulder, potato starch and a dash of sodium nitrite, to taste but rather the unsolicited bulk email that we are often subjected to. Upon this weblog there is – as is the way with these things – a ‘spam catcher’ which deposits such material into a handy folder ready for deletion. The filter works largely by identifying and corralling comments on the various stories which come from companies by the fact they have various and numerous Internet links to their wares. I alwyas check to see if an errant and genuine comment has found its way into their erroneously but this is seldom so.


I often have a little read through them all, idly and curious that I am to discover and understand the latest tricks and hooks in the comments provided in order to elicit a reply. Some are quite subtle, many are in extremely broken English, occasionally they are offensive but often fawning and quite funny! It’s with the latter I focus today. If ever you needed your ego buffing up with a little sycophancy and toadying by a completely artificial spam robot I urge you to set your own weblog up right away! It might chase through blues right away.

I loved this one. It’s probably not over the top at all either:

‘This is by far one of the majestic places on Earth. I’ve travelled most of this globe and I’ve seen nothing like to it. In my opinion, everyone should at least 2 times in their adventures come here. See ya’ soon, I hope!’

This one concentrates on the technical side of things a little more. It’s also nice to know that the quick blog you bashed up, leaving three spelling mistakes and saying well, not very much really, is a ‘masterpiece’:

‘You’re really a good webmaster. The web site loading speed is incredible. It seems that you’re doing any unique trick. Moreover, The contents are a masterpiece. you’ve done a wonderful job on this topic!’

‘Extremely great, entertaining and wise’. Okay, my day is made.

‘Fantastic goods from you, man. I have understood your previous stuff and you’re just extremely great. I actually like what you’ve acquired here, certainly like what you are stating and the way in which you say it. You make it entertaining and you still take care to keep it wise. I can’t wait to read much more from you. This is actually a great site.’

‘Help in the Community’. You can achieve anything apparently when you write the odd blog:

‘It’s laborious to search out educated individuals on this topic, but you sound like you understand what you’re talking about! Thanks’

Now for a little…erm…passion…

‘You can certainly see your skills in the work you write. The world hopes for even more passionate writers like you who are not afraid to say how they believe. Always go after your heart.’

Hey thanks man! You rock too!

‘Just thought I’d drop you a line to tell you your site really rocks! I have been looking for this sort of information for a long time.. I don’t usually reply to posts but I will in this case. Wow! terrific great.’

Somebody, somewhere dreamt these things up and used the mechanical means to send them to a million sites out there that they will never read or hear of. I hope he/she is having a nice day anyway.

‘This is a smart blog. I mean it. You have so much knowledge about this issue, and so much passion. You also know how to make people rally behind it, obviously from the responses. You’ve got a design here that’s not too flashy, but makes a statement as big as what you’re saying. Great job, indeed.’


3 Replies to “SPAM!”

  1. Hey great post! I so totally appreciate with it that I’m collaborating it to my own website! You are awesome webmkaster, friend! Check it out!

    Oh shit, this’ll probably get me banned from my own blogs by WordPress…

  2. Oh, and when you say “I hope he/she is having a nice day anyway” I presume you mean you hope they are having a pure pig of a day having been arrested and charged with screwing up the entire internet with their pathetic scam websites and billions of unsolicited trash emails invading people’s privacy and soiling their inboxes with bogus solutions to erectile dysfunction or genital enlargement. Or you actually hope they have inadvertently locked themselves naked inside a midge-infested chemical toilet out the back of a Highland youth hostel where the only other residents are a school of deaf kids unable to hear their screams of agony all night long. I could go on…

  3. Nice ansker friend! You are most wonderful commenter!

    Hey, how do you know those solutions to erectile dysfunction are bogus, Fraser? 😉

    I love your very creative punishment suggestions!

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