The Tears of a Clown

Now if there's a smile upon my face…

Drinking Straws up the Nose

Drinking Straws – until now you thought they were only for drinking out of right? Wrong. There’s a new concept coming your way very soon in drinking straw technology and we want you to be at the vanguard of this particular revolution. Inspired by a friend’s curious experiment in attempting to sleep with a straw placed up each of her nostrils (yes, we know!) be here at the forefront of the new sensation that’s about to sweep the nation – Drinking Straws up the Nose (copyright)

The original experiment was quickly aborted. This was due to a fear of the drinking straws entering the brain cavity, Drinking Straws up the Nose have plans to stop this awkward eventuality however. Have no trepidation though, our partners Rubber Bands @ Drinking Straws up the nose are the forerunners in elastic band expertise and aim to offer the utmost in buffering technology to banish your apprehensions.

The future is bright – the future is Drinking Straws up the Nose!

Some typical examples of drinking straw usage.

The Depression Cure

This young lady’s blues are about to be over. By beginning with one straw and ingesting her soda through one of our straws, her mental imbalances will soon be a thing of the past!

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Look Cool and get laid

One of the many benefits of placing drinking straws up the nose is the amazing effect it has on the opposite sex. Here, this young Adonis in the flat cap emits a powerful aphrodisiac effect on the women in the room. Let’s just hope he came prepared!

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Party Time!

It’s party time and these young girls pictured in a Nottingham city centre meat market show that there’s a less serious side to the act of shoving drinking straws up the tender lining of your nostrils. Get down girls! Hubba!

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Friendship and relationships

Why do it alone? What’s life all about if you can’t share it with someone? That includes your drinking straws. Remember, a drinking straw friendship is for life.

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Recycling

We all understand the effects of global warming and our ever-increasing carbon footprints. Here we see a model managing to recycle oxygen. Simply place one end of the drinking straw up the left nostril before engaging the other end up the corresponding right nostril. Hey presto! You’ll never need to claim new oxygen from the planet ever again. (Not recommended for mouth breathers).

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Youth Development

Here at Drinking Straws up the Nose, we have a burgeoning youth development division. Here we see a charming Nottingham child practising his skills. In this particular instance there’s a little work to do, clearly he has fallen into the dangerous and annoying habit of trapping his top lip betwixt straw and nose. Keep practising sonny!

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The Other Side?

Here at Drinking Straws up the Nose we get the occasional failure. We’re not perfect but we’re working on it! Here this young lady has clearly missed her nose. We do feel that this client has every chance of success in the future however. Try it before drinking a vat of Rum and Coke beforehand girly!

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And Finally…

Occasionally drinking straw usage goes horribly wrong. This poor individual shows clearly the effects of long-term drinking straw addiction and over use. It’s not fun and it’s not clever – don’t do it kids!

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April 11, 2009 - Posted by | Ripping Yarns | ,

2 Comments »

  1. Stu, the only time I’ve tried sticking a straw up my nose it was actually a rolled-up tenner and it wasn’t drink it… uh… hang on, other people might see this, eh?

    It never happened right, it was some other bloke who looked like me

    Comment by Fraser | April 15, 2009

  2. Disgraceful, Fraser. I thought with a man of your means it would be at least a fifty?

    Comment by Stuart | April 15, 2009


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