The Tears of a Clown

Now if there's a smile upon my face…

Canada ’08: Bread Making

Yesterday my partner, Melanie had the fine notion of raising the in-laws’ bread making machine from the ashes of previous action. We are trying to eat healthily on this vacation and this seemed a suitable addition to the masterplan. At four or five dollars for each quality loaf we’ve been purchasing from the excellent bakers in the local shopping plaza on Gordon Drive, this seemed a fiscally sound idea too.

All was well. During a visit to the local Save on Foods supermarket provisions were bought to serve the venture into home baking. The machine was set to start doing whatever it does at around 5am the next morning and so we retired, dreaming of the fresh smell of newly baked bread that would surely waft all over us come the bright, blue skied Kelowna morning to come.

I have to report it was something of a fitful night I had. If it was 5am it felt like two hours earlier when I heard the throbbing vroom, vroom, vroom noise through the bedroom ceiling down in our basement lair. What could this noise be? The local chapter of the Hells Angels has left town some several days ago, this I knew. Was there an early riser in the home looking to wash and dry a few pairs pairs of pants at 3.30am? Could it be burglars attempting to break in and purloin our stash of Montreal Smoked Meat from the refrigerator?

In a nutshell, it was none of these, it was the sound of baking bread – one that would have put NASA to shame. How could such a small and innocuous machine make such an unholy row? I rolled over agitatedly but it was no use. Delete one night’s decent sleep from the calendar.

Finally I arose on my bleary-eyed pillow to indeed smell the delicious aroma of one new freshly baked whole wheat loaf. Maybe two hours of thrashing around with insomnia had been worth it all along?

A real loaf

Kettle on and a few exercises done, I fair bounded upstairs to view the outcome. What resembled a solid brown breeze block met my eye on the creaking counter top. So this is what the noise had been all about. Undeterred I tried a couple of slices as toast and have to report that once I’d detached two slices of bread with the help of a jackhammer and pneumatic drill, the produce was indeed just about edible, if a little ‘yeasty’. Suggestions were offered as to what further use could be made of the brick/loaf.

A few of the better ones were as follows:

1. A reliable garage doorstop

2. Dampen and use as a reservoir for an attractive flower arrangement

3. A handy step for reaching tall branches in the garden

4. An effective self-defence weapon to keep under the bed for throwing at burglars

5. An implement for filing the neighbourhood’s cat’s claws on.

If you’ve any suggestions then please let me know. I’ll be back very soon…I’m just off to the local bakers.


August 6, 2008 - Posted by | Ripping Yarns |

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