The Tears of a Clown

Now if there's a smile upon my face…

Can Arnold do it? Yes it Can!

Now it has to be said, I live in a quite respectable area. It’ s possibly one of the oldest areas of Nottinghamshire being situated adjacent what was once called ‘The Great North Road’ from many hundreds of years ago. Redhill is a neat and tidy and well-established suburb a few miles north of Nottingham and is close to open countryside and cheek by jowl with the larger suburb of Arnold with it’s shopping area, facilities, and a population of approximately 38,000 people.

I’ve lived here in Redhill a long, long time and I like it. It suits me.

Opening the curtains the other day though I noticed a sight that is becoming more common these days – that of a collection of used beer cans stood outside my neighbour’s garage. It’s a trivial thing, maybe just a couple of young guys having a drink on the way home from the pub or youngsters messing around. It’s not the dawning of Armageddon or the end of civilisation in Redhill as we know it. In fact in nearby Arnold there are reports that the huge proliferation of litter, and particularly beer cans, gathered up on the main shopping thoroughfare, Front Street, is now being used in some very ingenious ways. Hurrah for Arnold! Well done to the neighbouring conurbation. It’s very much a case of waste not, want not in Arnold these days. Read on to view some great examples:

Look out Detroit! Below is the very first Ford Mustang totally created from used beer cans. it’s not recorded what might happen in the likely event of an accident but it might be considered that this car, spotted the Killisick Estate, accommodates the world’s largest crumple zone. The biting edge of Nottinghamshire technology indeed.

Image courtesy of Arnold Joy Riding.

It’s well recorded that the world’s resources are gradually being depleted. Why not follow this Arnold couple’s initiative and have a home constructed from reclaimed lager cans. Remember – hang on to those used Stella cans and forget the blood, sweat and total ire of that 25-year mortgage, folks!

Another great money-saving idea comes courtesy of a resident of the attractive area of nearby Calverton. The image shows that the recent craze of new-fangled imitation wooden flooring may soon be a home feature of the past. Here we see the most excellent use of the residue from a thousand nights out down the Calverton Miner’s Welfare. Carpet slippers optional.

 

It’s time to celebrate and there’s nothing quite like an Arnold celebration! Options include a good old-fashioned fist-fight outside The Blue Circle Chippy or bumping into ‘that lot from up Bestwood estate’ in the charming and quaint old hostelry, The Cross Keys – conveniently situated opposite Boots the Chemist for bandages, lineaments and other medical supplies. This 25th birthday party went with an extra swing however with the clever addition of a beer can birthday cake. Unfortunately the two people at the party were both unconscious at the time the photograph was taken. Happily this Arnold home has now received full insurance recompense for the £7.56 worth of fire damage caused in the flames.

A local Arnold beauty and member of the Front Street glitterati pictured leaving the Arnold Liberal Club after another night out amongst the stars. Not the easiest ticket in town, this young woman was ‘signed in’ by the visiting actors, Brad Pitt and Hugh Grant. It’s not recorded if she visited nearby Wetherspoons straight afterwards or took the option of vainly standing on the High Street for two hours waiting in vain for a cab to take her home before finally buying a kebab for sustenance and the long walk home

Disclaimer: This article is written in fun only and no reference is meant to any person living or dead (it’s sometimes difficult to decide in Arnold) I like Arnold (a bit) and use it’s facilities here and there even though the pubs are completely rubbish nowadays, (not like they used to be) 99% of people blow cigarette smoke on you and the pavements are full of chewing gum and chip bags in spite of the local authorities’ sterling efforts.

 

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January 23, 2008 - Posted by | Ripping Yarns | , , , ,

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